"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths." Proverbs 3:5-6.
Yesterday I had the MRI, and let me just say, that was a terrifying experience! It ranks up there with my root canal last year! I am claustrophobic, and the combination of lying on my stomach with my face down in a donut-shaped pillow plus not being able to move, and of course being inside a tunnel with jackhammers pounding in my ears for about 30 minutes, about did me in! I really thought that I was going to crawl out of the machine for the first five minutes or so. I just kept repeating to myself, "medical technology is a good thing". Then I calmed myself by recalling how I had survived the 85 degree Andrew Jackson Marathon, and next I began praying for anyone I could think of and reciting Scripture. I bet I said Psalm 23 fifty times! Finally, it was over!
"Oh give thanks to the Lord, for He is good! For His mercy endures forever." 1 Chronicles 16:34
Later in the day Jimmy and I met with my general surgeon, who is so kind and understanding. After he and the radiologist discussed the results of my MRI, and after he explained everything to Jimmy and me, I now have my surgical plan--a plan that will completely cure me and also reassure me that the cancer will not return.
Bilateral mastectomy with reconstruction.
"Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10
I do not have a surgery date yet, but I will after I meet with the plastic surgeon this afternoon. It will be one day next week.
I am so thankful for all of my family and friends who are offering to help out in any way. My parents, of course, want to do anything for me, and they are going to do what will give me the greatest peace of mind while I am in the hospital and recovering--they are taking my children to their house to stay for several days. I will not be worried about my children at all while they are at Mims and Pops's house! My mother has two sewing machines and a serger which she will set up for my girls. They are planning a sewing/crocheting/crafting marathon! My parents have thousands of Legos for Clay and Sam to play with, and of course they will eat yummy food, watch TV, and in general have a mini-vacation.
My sweet sister-in-law Megan visited me Tuesday, and she came to help out! She folded all of my laundry (which was a lot!), vacuumed and vacuumed and vacuumed, checked some schoolwork, cleaned three bathrooms, and took my girls to Hobby Lobby so they could buy a birthday present. Thank you Megan!
We have declared a hiatus from school for now. I am distracted, and I just keep thinking of one more thing to do, one more errand to run, before I am house-bound for a short time. I am hoping that while I am recovering I will feel like reading aloud to the children, but that is all that I plan to do school-wise, until I am feeling back to normal.
"My brethren, count is all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience." James 1:2
I am still trying to stay positive. I know that I am fortunate that my cancer was diagnosed early, and that it is curable without months of treatments. That really is a blessing. But, the anxiety of the entire situation is sometimes overwhelming. I can cry at the drop of a hat (and I am not a cryer). I am afraid. I can't put my finger on what I am afraid of, but it is still there---maybe it's the unknown of the discomforts of the surgery and recovery, maybe it's the lack of control that I have of the entire situation, maybe it's the fear that I will not regain my physical strength (I wonder if I will be running a half-marathon or doing Insanity again anytime soon?). But, just like God's Word says,
"Whenever I am afraid, I will trust in You." Psalm 56:3
So, I am praying about my fears, and trusting that God will carry me through it all!
"I sought the Lord, and He heard me, and delivered me from all my fears." Psalm 34:4